The Journey

It all started Monday... (cue horror movie theme music)... You know the overwhelming feeling right before you go on a trip,  to get everything done? No matter how many things you complete on the list,  it never seems productive enough! That was me this week... from working  40 hours this week and taking care of church responsibilities to cooking  dinner, packing, and paperwork, there was no sleep this chick!

Can I be real with you?  I have struggled tremendously this week. I have struggled with expectations at work,  miscommunication (which, btw, causes stress and frustration), selfishness, thinking too highly of myself, and loneliness. It's been a tough week.  I feel like the enemy had invaded my mind,  played around with it, smushed it, and left me to pick up the pieces. More than once this week,  I have locked myself in my room,  crawled under my bed,  hugged my pillow,  and cried out to God.  I try to live my life not out of emotion, but my faith. I KNEW God was doing something amazing in my heart while I was going through this valley. I KNEW I had to CHOOSE to believe He was working on something huge in my life and that there was a purpose for the pain.  When I reflect on the prayer I prayed Monday morning the minute I rolled out of bed,  I knew why.

"Lord thank you for this week. I pray that you would take this day as an offering to you.  I pray Lord, that you will prepare my heart for this trip you're taking me on. Please humble me,  so I can be used by you."

When I heard about Vancouver, I was so excited because I was going to be involved with student ministry, which is something not new to me.  I have done student ministry on the other side of the world before,  so my attitude was like, "I got dis!"

I will tell you,  my friend,  that is the most dangerous spot to be in your relationship with God. 
This week,  God answered my prayer like nothing else.  He humbled me in every way possible,  brought me to my knees, in a place of surrender. By this weekend,  I felt inadequate,  unequipped, unprepared, and vulnerable. The place where I SHOULD  be. This allows me to be empty of myself and full of Him. My job is not to be so busy doing things FOR God, but to be busy doing things WITH God.

I am sooo excited to see what God is going to do in me and through me this week. Because I know it won't be me.